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[15 Jun 2008|10:23am] leaving that house i felt like i was running away. i'm tired of smug cocky guys, who have the total ability to be nice, but only because of some agenda they have. like making you french toast, only to try and sleep with you immediately after. like i owe it to them or something. and then when you don't they totally turn into this piece of shit who is not interested in you anymore. and all the while i am just wishing i wasn't there but with the person i ACTUALLY LIKE, who is ACTUALLY NICE, but i couldn't even get him to stick around. i don't know what i'm doing wrong here. dating is exhausting. 3 | do somethin'

[17 May 2008|10:42am] so i have no job. i had health insurance for 2 weeks. shit. do somethin'

[25 Apr 2008|02:20am] i've been bitching a lot lately. trying to have a life means having to deal with people and their bullshit. i'm sorry for it, i'm all sensitive and shit. but honestly, i'm very excited about the future. this is something i need to convey more. it's positive. i gotta stop letting all that malarky stress me out. do somethin'

[11 Mar 2008|07:04pm] today it really sunk in, my inability to let go of shit in the past. and that i may inadvertently be sabotaging my life. i'll always be second guessing myself and carrying shit around. something just doesn't feel right. the older i get, the more time passes, the less i feel like myself. do somethin'

[13 Feb 2008|11:54pm] life, i can honestly say, you surprised me. 2 | do somethin'

[10 Feb 2008|11:04am] if this one crashes and burns like every other one i swear to the lord jesus i'm gonna flip the fuck out on my life. 4 | do somethin'

[26 Jan 2008|01:30pm] when i think back, i used to go out, i used to do things. i've become an old lady. everytime i drink i get a hangover, and i usually have to trudge into work the next day because that's what i do with most of my time. i hate cats. i need a dog. have for awhile. it's just lonely here. my mind wanders to thoughts i would rather not think. it's occurred to me that i've only had one real legitimate and worthy romantic relationship, where the person really knew me and i really knew them and they were my best friend. that was 4 years ago. i feel like there is no longer a desire for "a beautiful, intelligent, willing and agreeable person." have we really become an undesirable breed? 2 | do somethin'

[23 Dec 2007|03:49am] i feel like i've lost all real sense of what's good for me. like my weaknesses are apparent. like people use them to their advantage. like i'm made a fool of quite often. like i don't know how to do right whatever it is i'm doing wrong. like i don't want to deal with people anymore because all we do is hurt whether we intend to or not. 8 | do somethin'

[20 Oct 2007|11:49pm] i've thrown myself into my job. i've only had one day off since i started. won't be off til tuesday. i don't even mind it. i'll make over a thousand before taxes. so they'll be raping me and i'll come out with like 800ish. it's keeping my mind off the fact that my mom gave my dad my phone number. and forwarded me a letter from him where he wants to meet up for lunch next time he's in town. i haven't even begun to try and make up my mind. work is keeping me too busy to deal with the bullshit and too busy to deal with the good shit. i just fall asleep to dvds, wake up and go to work, repeat. but i'll finally be able to pay my bills, and have dinner with sarah, or fred, or nick, or meg, and get a new tattoo, and if and when i do go out i'll have money to pay cover and buy drinks. it's been a long time coming, and i'm pretty fucking happy that i'm on my way. 2 | do somethin'

[05 Oct 2007|02:01am] i'm pretty sure i'm going to be ( stephanie zinone ) for halloween this year. except i'm going cool rider style. all black. do somethin'

[05 Oct 2007|12:39am] so i got the job at gadzooks. i'm full-time ASM and they bumped my pay pretty sweetly. i start tuesday. see you guys shopping! 2 | do somethin'

[28 Sep 2007|02:17am] two things. -vanessa left gadzooks and is going to be the store manager at charlotte russe. fuck that, i interviewed today for full-time assistant manager at gadzooks. i'm the number one candidate, and once my back-ground check goes through, i should be getting a call. they love me, and i love them. i cannot work for vanessa again, and i want to be back working for forever21 so this is all working out. -thomas will be in town this weekend. and there's 20 bucks in it for me from anonymous if he doesn't try to sleep with me. 7 | do somethin'

[14 Jul 2007|10:32pm] fucking confusing. 1 | do somethin'

[04 Jul 2007|02:34am] i'm feeling it pretty hard lately. like a puzzle where none of the pieces fit. there are things i want and with each experience i learn new ways to want them. ways that become more intense each time. i'm trying to get back to school and trying to get a job at urban. i want to move away, as always, but for the right reasons. which means i must patiently wait for the right reasons to come. i want something, somewhere, and someone new, frankly just for the excitement. which isn't exactly fair cause i am not ready to really take that last step in walking away. because a few months ago my life was damn near perfect and i wasn't settling. i was happy in all aspects and i miss that. and i miss him, by my side. it's there just hanging over my head, and i'm holding it in. i want to be something special. i want to feel like i've got nothing to prove. i want a chance, and for me to take it. oh yeah, and i want to paint my nails, smoke more cigarettes than usual, put together a fabulous outfit and go out. 1 | do somethin'

[09 Jun 2007|10:13pm] i really hate when i'm distressed and trying to work my way through a problem like, i don't know, lets say getting dumped by one of the greatest people i've ever known, and i get the "you're young" or the "you could have anyone" response. the truth is, i know what i want, even out of life, you know, the big picture? and maybe i could have anyone, but i don't have the one i want. i would much rather someone acknowledge that i have a plan, and i am putting it into action, and going for what i want out of this life i've got. i start my new job this week. this is A+. i colored my hair not that you can really tell. and i am supremely proud of how long it's gotten since it got a very unwanted hacking. ( Read more... ) 7 | do somethin'

[02 Jun 2007|10:43pm] summer; the season for getting dumped. 4 | do somethin'

[31 May 2007|06:09pm] new job. i'm going to be a brand specialist at charlotte russe. making ten dollars an hour. i'll be doing visual work which is what i want to do. eventually i might move to the new store in gonzales opening up this fall. i'll be head of the visual team and making even more bank with benefits if i do go. bye bye gadzooks, i'll miss you. 7 | do somethin'

[27 May 2007|02:30am] lonely. missing thomas. hoping he comes back to b.r. at the end of summer. probably quitting my job. which sucks because i love it, but i can't stay. hoping things all fall into place. 2 | do somethin'

when you're doing it doggy style can you see the girl's butthole? [14 May 2007|09:19pm] ( n00dz ) 1 | do somethin'

[08 May 2007|11:02pm] "gradually and then suddenly" 2 | do somethin'

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